Finding Time for God in the Chaos of Parenting
8 Suggestions for Exhausted Parents
Recently, I read a book speaking of the joys of the morning quiet time. It pictured waking up, opening your Bible and filling your mind with Jesus.
Wonderful.
However, my day didn’t start like that. It started around 5:30 with my 2-year-old screaming “DADDY!” at the top of his lungs. I couldn’t begin the day with God. Parenting small children is different.
I went away thinking someone needed to speak about devotional life with small children. While I haven’t got time to write a book, here are some suggestions for finding time with God in the chaos of parenting.
1. Remember God is a gracious father
There are constant pressures as a parent from your children, spouse, and work. If daily worship becomes another guilt trip, you’ll never want to do it.
God isn’t like your demanding toddler. He’s a gracious father:
Forgiving you if you forget a quiet time.
Blessing you if you’re half awake.
Understanding if you only have five minutes.
Don’t hear Jesus say “Here’s another job to do.” Hear him saying as he did to the disciples:
“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
(Mark 6:31)
2. Change the scorecard
I wrestled recently with my wider reading. I found I had less concentration when reading great Christian books. What was wrong with me?
I happened to watch a clip of Tim Keller talking about his voluminous reading. But he started with this caveat: “We’re also empty nesters. Those of you who’ve got children at home…I don’t want to make you feel bad”
It was a throwaway line. But it woke me up to the reality: I was tired from early wake-ups. No wonder I found John Owen soporific! Once I changed the scorecard to match my energy levels, reading came a lot easier.
It’s the same with devotions. At this stage of life, you may not read four chapters a day. That’s okay. It’s a stage of life, a stage of life that will pass. Once you are realistic, you might find you see more success.
3. Husbands protect your wife’s devotions
I once surveyed our church’s devotional habits. I was astonished to find women were spending less time in the Word than their husbands. This was the case in our marriage too. After talking to my wife, I realised she had no time to read.
A husband has a particular responsibility for the spiritual good of his wife. So I couldn’t let it stay this way. We decided I’d take the kids down on a morning, so she could have half an hour in the Word.
We’ve kept that up most days. Sometimes, I wish I were in bed! But it’s part of what being a husband is. Married men, check your wife has time with God.
4. Read and pray as a couple
This morning time didn’t work with a newborn. Newborns are like kryptonite for any plan! Nat tried to keep her half-hour devotion but either fell asleep or breastfed.
So she asked one night if we could do her study together. She had one of Keri Folmar’s Bible Studies for Women. These are based on a handful of verses and have really searching questions. They take five minutes max and worked well for us.
If you’re really struggling to do it separately, why not do something together? We keep a Bible and a study guide in the living room to use when the kids go to bed. Usually one of us has the motivation, even if the other doesn’t!
5. Family devotions
I’ve written on How to do a Family Devotion with Under 5s previously so I won’t revisit.
What I will say is this: I have been surprised at how kids’ devotions have helped me. On occasion, I have read the Beginner’s Bible to my kids and have been given a good reminder. Don’t neglect family devotions, it can do you good too!
6. Don’t Neglect Church
Some couples withdraw from church when a baby is born. They’re never at small group, they’re never at the evening service. They may turn up to church but all of a fluster. They assume this is the only way to be a parent.
Other parents will prioritise church. They take turns to attend small groups and the evening service because they know they need it. They leave plenty of time to get to church, so it isn’t such a rush. They even have church friends round for tea, to ensure some much-needed adult company.
One chief danger of parenting is to revolve everything around the child’s demands. But lyou will be a much better parent if you are receiving spiritually from your brothers and sisters.
7. Sleep
One preacher said the best thing many people can do for their sanctification is to get eight hours of sleep.
He had a point (though 8 hours might be hopeful!).
Do what you can to sleep.
Go to bed early.
Sleep on a Sunday afternoon (I know it sounds old school, but it works a treat!).
Take turns having a Saturday lie-in.
It’s hard to pray when you’re exhausted. God created physical beings. Sometimes you just need to sleep.
8. Remember God is a Gracious Father
Didn’t I already say this one? Yes. But it deserves re-iterating.
Perhaps you’ll read this post and feel condemned. Perhaps you will try to put things into practice and this time next week be a failure. Hands up, I’m the same.
But God is gracious. I don’t need a perfect devotional life to be saved. I’m saved by Jesus’ death on the cross. When I remember that I couldn’t be more loved, I have permission to start again when I fail, knowing God doesn’t hold it against me.
And that’s what you need too.
Those are my thoughts, but I’d love to heart yours.
Have you had young children? What things helped you at this stage of life?
So good, so important. I didn’t read things like this when I had little ones and I think it would have helped. Will share with some parents.
Thanks Tim - this is so helpful, and echoes my experiences as a parent as well.